I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

okay guys.

1. if this is the only blog post you ever read of mine i will die happy because in all honesty its the one that actually MATTERS.
2. I'm sorry if parts of this don't make sense/don't expect this to be written well at all... I am just trying to jot down my thoughts as quickly as possible. and..
3.please please please keep reading.

Now i know especially over the internet things of this nature tend to get made fun of and, more often than not--labeled as corny and dramatic or just plain preachy. We disregard thoughts or messages like this on a daily basis. (okay hopefully i'm not the only one who has observed this) but in all seriousness i ask that you read this with respect, an open mind, and heart.

Tonight after a rough day and long night at work i drove home, looking forward to getting into my pajamas, snuggling up in my bed & watching my latest TV obsession.... all the while ignoring those pestering little thoughts that kept telling me there was something so much BETTER i could be doing.

but of course me being my stubborn little self i did just that--ignored them. I told myself I had EARNED the right to just veg out and relax *nothing wrong with that, just not what God had in mind for me tonight* So ANYWAYS I quickly got all cozied up, laptop plugged in, browser open and darn it-- i couldn't remember the url of the website my friend had told me about so i sat there, patiently waiting for a text back and the thought came to my mind that i should at least read a few verses of the Book of Mormon or watch a mormon message so i could "check it off my list" so to speak.

and in all seriousness i ACTUALLY thought... Oh! its too much work. I've done enough work today. I would rather just lay back and be entertained--I mean gosh I've earned it, right??

ooh ho ho how very very wrong i was. Anyways I don't know why but i decided that to satisfy my guilty conscience  i would just watch one video then continue about doing MY business. So i watched one.

And oooh ho ho boy, the tears came. i instantly felt shame for the state of mind i had allowed myself to get to, i also at the same time felt... humbled. (i think thats the word i'm looking for.) Not in a self pitying "oh i am so evil, i'm going to hell, might as well give up" kind of way. Humbled in the way that my state of mind was literally changed. The holy ghost testified to me that what was being said was truth, and suddenly nothing else mattered... and my desires to watch this *literally* meaningless show were instantly gone. In fact I had within me the desire to not only keep on watching these mormon messages all night--but I lost the desire watch any more meaningless garbage.

Okay now, I have absolutely no idea how to articulate my feelings as well as these wonderful men so listen to them. (I HIGHLY recommend watching all of them--even if you already have)

"offered in the language of an eighteen year old" Elder Holland (he gets me every time)

"Mens hearts are failing them, and that includes women because they forget their identity and their purpose" Russell M. Nelson 

This man has such a beautiful testimony. 

"It left me with a feeling that I never want to do a bad thing for the rest of my life"

"I want this book to fill the world, man!"

and then of course the tears really came down during this video...

I feel like sometimes people give up or turn their back on God because they feel like there is no hope for them. That is absolutely false and THIS is why.

I love listening to the amazing testimony Elder Holland has of the Book of Mormon. 

It is truly powerful.

I know this gospel to be true. i am indebted to my savior on a level so deep that i cannot even begin to comprehend. i know that God lives and that he LOVES me. and that his love for me is absolutely perfect. He loves YOU. The gospel is a beautiful gift which I am sorry to say that I sometimes take for granted. But I don't want to anymore. I want to somehow begin to try to repay or express gratitude to my Heavenly Father for all of the blessings he has given to me. The only way I could think of doing that tonight was by SHARING what I know to be absolutely without the shadow of a doubt, true. How can I be so selfish as to not share what has brought more beauty, peace, forgiveness, and happiness than anything else in my entire life?

You guys THIS is what MATTERS.

Now I know my words and testimony are youthful & simple but-- that does not make it any less meaningful than anyone else's. My testimony is mine and I will fight to keep it everyday. I love this gospel with my entire heart and soul. I know that even when we have given up hope on everything else including ourselves, our Savior has not--nor will he ever.

the three amigos

they were all so good. i couldn't choose.

duh.

"Notice the good things about the people in my life a lot more than the bad things about them. This is the essence of shaping behavior."
-daniel amen

reading into every word you say

she made you decent

jemimah

look up jemimah in the dictionary and you'll find that her name means peace dove.

she's my best friend and who i wanna be when i grow up.
she has stuck with me through the think and the thin.

she has the warmest heart of anyone i know. 

she is the greatest example to me. i wish i was more like her.

she is amazing. i dont deserve her.
on top of all of the beauty she has inside, she is absolutely stunning.
i feel bad for the man that marries her. correction... wants to marry her.

i love you mimahjem.

I do believe in magic.

I was born and raised in a magic time. In a magic town.  Among magicians. Most everybody else didn't realized we lived in that web of magic- connected by the silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. 


See this is my opinion- we all start out knowing magic. We were are born with whirlwinds, force fires and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read clouds. And see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it spanked out, washed out and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth. And because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they allowed to whither in themselves. After you go so far away from it, you can't really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Of knowing and remembering

When people get weepy at movies it's because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched. Just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up and they are left feeling a little heart sad and not knowing why.

When a song stirs a memory. When moats of dust during in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world. When you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance, and you wonder where it might be going.

You step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instance you have stepped into the magic room. That's what I believe.




p.s. i <3 monologues.