lost

i feel lost. i'm a wanderer. Tolkien said "not all who wander are lost" but honestly, i didn't mean to get lost. i feel so lost. i don't even know what i want anymore. i don't even know what my dreams are anymore. i've always been a dreamer. who am i really? what do i really want my life to be? what are my priorities?

i feel like i am just letting life happen to me. i just float through everyday. i don't make things happen. what do i even like? what are my opinions? do i have opinions? what do I like? who are my friends? i mean really. who are my actual friends? when am i ever going to find that one solid sidekick?

its funny how things that once mattered so much don't matter anymore. its funny how people who used to matter so much don't matter anymore.

i need direction. i need change, but i don't like change. i've established that. that's a good start. right? why did i just ask the question right? that is just evidence that i cant think for myself. why do i ask everyones opinions on everything? (especially yours-- whoever it is i am saying this to) i rely too heavily on others approval and opinions. why do i care so much?